I Need Advice – Am I A Bad Father?

I never write personal blogs like this, but I actually need help and for once in my life I am asking for some help and advice.

Today, my 7 year daughter turned up at my doorstep clinging to her mother saying “I don’t want to see you Daddy, I want to stay with mummy”. I squatted down and calmly said “why not darling” what is it?

To give you some background. Monday  just gone (June 8th I was told by my ex that my daughter was invited, by her best friend, to a Holy Communion in a nearby church.

I responded by saying that it was my day with her on Sunday and that I should be allowed to take her to the church on Sunday. I acknowledge the parents might know our situation and be reluctant to see me as it has been 2 years since I have been allowed to pick up my daughter from school.

There were many email communications throughout the week between myself and her solicitor as she was only offering an overnight Friday in return to taking 2 Sundays away from me (my only day to spend REAL quality time with her).

Today  she turned up and said “if you had agreed to what our daughter wanted then everything would be ok”.

Seriously, am I a bad father for insisting I should be able to take her to her best friends’ Holy Communion.  I do understand that my ex may be friends with our daughter’s best friends’ parents, but surely if it is my court ordered day to be with her, they can just ask me to take her.

Today is the first day I have really questioned |if I should have had a child. My best achievement in life is my daughter and I have always been there and I will always be there. But to experience what I did today, my whole world has been shattered into tiny pieces as my whole reason for feeling a better person, does not even want tom spend time with me, after a hard, 2 year battle just to get access back.

What have I done wrong?

What am I doing wrong?

How have I had this happen to me when my child is my world?

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8 Responses to I Need Advice – Am I A Bad Father?

  1. John Skillen says:

    Hi, I’ve never done this sort of thing before. But had to write and say that i’m still in the middle of a really messy court battle for my daughter at the moment (my daughters mum was abusive to my child and she was taken from her. Now all she wants to do is make sure me and my wife don’t get her either). My heart is with you on this as I can fully understand what you’re going through. It’s not your fault, some people will use their children as tools to ‘one-up’ someone they dis-like. Please remember one thing though. When your child gets older she will be able to make her own decisions and she’ll always know you’ve been there and will always be there for her. I really hope this helps and if nothing you know there’s someone else out there in the same situation as yourself, good luck and hang in there. John.

  2. Christiene says:

    No you are not the bad parent. I am a divorced mother and I would never dream of doing any of this type of thing. I really do feel for you…..my husband is going through the same thing that you are with his daughter. You just keep letting her know that you love her and that you are always there for her, when she is older and can understand what her mother is doing , she will be there with you. I know it is a shame that you have to miss out on the speacial things even if tey are small things, but that’s where you really chat with your little girl when you have her and just really listen to her and love her…..she will remeber all of those good things in the long run. Good luck, I hope this nightmare ends for you soon…..but do not ever think that you are a bad father because you want to be involved in your child’s life. You shold be as involved as much as her mother is. I am sorry for what you are going through. I wish I could help.

  3. Jason says:

    Your stories are extremely similar to my situation. I really feel for you. What I can tell you is to be strong. My daughter is 6 1/2 and the situation seems identical. Maintain your relationship with her. She may say “I don’t want to go”, etc.. etc… Take her. You’re the parent. It is important for you to maintain that relationship with her whether she realizes it or not. As long as you hold a strong integrity, she will never regret anything you ever did. Be her father regardless of what is going on around her and you. All the alienation her mother may do will eventually come around to bite her in the butt and I believe that. But, you HAVE TO maintain that relationship with your daughter. No matter how uncomfortable you may feel like doing so. You’re doing the right thing, and that’s what matters. Support HER relationship with both parents. That’s what she needs.

  4. denise says:

    Hiya lee sorry to hear about you battle to see your daughter, i dont really know what your going through because im not in the same boat, its nice to hear that some men fight for or see there kids ive got a 9yr old daughter and ive been on my own with her since she was 2 her dad came to vist some times when he wanted to or he was made by his mum but thats it then he didnt wanna know so its been nearly 5yrs, i do hope you sort things and get to see you little girl when you want…. GOOD LUCK TO YOU

    • lee1011 says:

      thank you Denise, it realy does help to know people are supportive, it is a very hard battle. It is now over 2 yeasr and I am in court again on Wednesday hoping to get more contact time as I am still getting less contact than I had over 2 years ago, just because her mother puts her feelings first.

      Parental alienation is in the open and known about, but little is done in the UK court system, much like Canada.

      I am doing my best to be as best a parent I can be and I will not stop until I achieve as equal time as possible with my daughter as I genuinely feel I can have a positive impact on her life and educate her as best I can on how to contribute to the world.

      Many thanks

  5. Emma Jacob says:

    Hi, you have done nothing wrong. this is my first time writing on a blog.

    After reading what you wrote my heart went out to you. You have not stopped your daughter from doing anything she wanted to do, all you wanted was to be there for her and a part of her life.

    My husband to be is in a similar situation and we have just issued court procedings aagainst his ex due to her behaviour.

    I can’t believe any mother could be so selfish until now, you must keep reminding yourself that you are being a father to your daughter and no matter how long it takes she will realise that.

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