How Loving My Daughter So Much Has Cost Me So Much Pain

I have adored my daughter since she was born and it has undoubtedly made me a better person in general.

When I used to drop my daughter back to her mother, she would cry and want to stay with me. Not because her mother was a bad mother, because she wasn’t, but I believe it was because I idolised her and because we had so much fun together.

Somehow, for the past 2+ years I have been demonised and her mother, in her eyes is a saint.

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4 Responses to How Loving My Daughter So Much Has Cost Me So Much Pain

  1. John Hall says:

    I can relate to what you are feeling and I hope my relationship with my daughter is as good as your’s is with your daughter. Somehow in spite of a more enlightened view of the potential role of fathers there is a residual culture, certainly with social workers and the courts that we fathers are an optional extra. The family courts can be horrendous given the required burden of proof and it is so easy for fathers like us to be put to one side.

    My own situation is a little different in that my daughter’s mother has serious mental health problems including likely psychopathy. She is an accomplished liar and manipulator of all she meets. Good luck- you are not alone

  2. Rachel says:

    In my sisters case, it is the father who is doing the alienating. He had an affair after 15 years of a very happy marriage. Once he had the affair, it was as though he wanted my sister to disappear off the face of the earth, although she was fine for doing the washing etc. His car was packed for him 18months down the line after my sister had resigned from her job to deal with the depression he caused by denigrating her in front of the children for so long. He had confided in his eldest child that him and my sister were no longer together. Not that he let my sister know this.

    This child no longer ‘got on with her mum’. When asked, she couldn’t tell you why she didn’t get on with her!

    My sister didn’t want to go throught the courts to agree access terms, and thought every other weekend would be fair, and one night during the week so as not to disrupt the childrens schoolwork. Our parents were divorced, and this was the arrangement with our parents, apart from no midweek access due to distance. He was also due to have them from Boxing day until they returned to school in the new year.

    This Christmas eve, he had the children so he could celebrate his normal polish traditional christmas on Christmas eve. He returned them early evening – this was not the arrangement. He told the children to tell their mother that they would then be going back to his early evening on Christmas Day. My sister had a few words to say to that, and said no. They phoned their father, and he came to get them. My sister unaware of this, heard the front door open, got up, and saw her children getting into a strange car, with her husband standing there. He told her she had brought it on herself, and he would see her in court. Then because she had tried to stop the car in the heat of the moment, he got the driver to speed off (he had been drinking), knocked my sister over and left her there for dead. We learnt later that the eldest child had seen her get up. He thinks this is acceptable behaviour.

    Social services wanted nothing to do with it. They were with their father. The police didn’t see any point in persuing it, even with a witness.

    He cited that the children had been verbally abused by my sister and the rest of the family. (He had always been the one to swear in front of the children)

    Since court, my sister has seen the children one hour a week, at a place of his dictation at very little notice. My sister goes, as she sees no other way. The children are very unnatural, and rude and often ask questions that their father has obviously prompted. Her reply is usually, ‘that’s between me and your father’. No other family or friends have seen them since – we are not allowed. If I saw them in the street, I do not know how I should act. Do I risk saying hello, and him concocting more lies, or do I ignore them?

    His best friends phone calls are not returned. Everybody has been shut out. If something happened to him, the children would be on their own.

    He has proven he has all the alienators traits. I just hope the Judge and CAFFCASS see through him. My sister has asked them to watch the VIDEOJUG video on parental alienation – her life to a ‘T’

    Both mothers and fathers are guilty of PAS. It is devasting to not only the targeted parent, but all those who have been shut out. It has made my whole family ill. My father’s health has suffered, my stepmother has felt ill, I have been very distracted in my work and my relationship with my husband and children, family friends are devastated. It is also horrible situation for the children. They can be scarred for life, and their future relationships ruined.

    Many people think that the recent case where Judge Clifford Bellamy sent an 11 year old boy to live with a father he supposedly hated has resulted in the wrong decision. I applaud him for this.

    • lee1011 says:

      Rachel

      Thank you for your input, it is a very sad day, when children are seperated from either parent due to alienation.

      I am sorry to hear about your sister and I wish her the best in her battle.

  3. Franca Valiante says:

    It is soo sad to hear of so many daughters that do not see their dads because of the mother’s manipulation. I have a friend who is suffering enormously from not seeing his daughter. Right now she is the one saying she doesn’t want to see him. I was wondering if their is some kind of group meetings that exist for this kind of situation where dads can discuss their feeling. Even a site where they can chat would be good. Anything would help at this point.

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